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The fear of abandonment is one of the most painful fears that exists. Stemming out of a variety of reasons, be it childhood trauma or heartbreak, the fear of abandonment can cause a lot of behavioral patterns which are unhealthy for us in reality. “This is one of the most painful fears that we can harbor inside of us. Usually, this fear also brings feelings of shame and inadequacy,” wrote Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi. The expert further added that in order to get over the fear of abandonment, we need to understand how it grows and affects us – “This type of work requires many parts: identifying who (or what) hurt us, learning how to self-soothe, accepting that you can handle what comes your way, and most importantly, practicing regulating your emotions.”

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Here are a few reasons why a fear of abandonment can develop:

Ignorance: When we grow up in dysfunctional homes where we are constantly dismissed and ignored, we tend to have the fear of being abandoned in adult relationships.

Trauma: The personality is often shaped by the traumatic events that we have faced in life. It affects us in a lot of ways.

Low affection: Being brought up in unstable families with low affection, we tend to look for attachment in adult relationships.

But how to work through the fear of abandonment? Here are a few tips shared by Therapist Sadaf Siddiqi.

Self-confidence: In order to grow our own self-worth, we need to build our self-confidence. The first step to do so is to engage in activities that boost our confidence.

Sources of support: From having a friends’ group to a mentor, it is important to seek a support group where we can be vulnerable.

Basic needs: We need to learn to prioritise our own needs and meet our own daily basic requirements.

Pause: When difficult emotions come and we are unable to face everything together, we should learn to pause and address it at a time that is suitable for us.